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Lone Starlet
Decided the married life wasn't quite the olive in her martini, the worm in
her tequila, the umbrella in her margarita, the lime in her Corona. After
having lived in Houston for six months, decided to break off her engagement and
move back to Cincinnati in quest of the perfect garnish. TBA.
"But how am I goweeng tooo moooove alllll byyy my sewf!!! *sniff*" -
Lone Starlet's summon for sympathy from Cry Baby. It worked.
Cry Baby
Just being nice, offered to fly down to Houston from Cincinnati incase
moving plans fell through. Next thing she knew, she was having panic
attacks at 4 in the morning Friday night. "What if the brakes fail going
down the side of a mountain in Tennessee and we have to fly off into one of
those run away truck ramps?" "What if the U-Haul is so big that it has
to take up two lanes?" "What if Lone Starlet's driving has gotten even
worse? Should I even let her drive?" "What if I have to
back up with a trailer attached and we get stuck and I have to do a U-Haul
U-Turn through someone's front lawn?" "What if I accidentally leave
the iron on the whole time I'm gone!"
The U-Haul
The luxurious mode of transportation used to get us from A to B (being
Houston and Cincinnati). Cloth seats! Air Conditioning! Automatic
Transmission! AM/FM radio! Gentle Ride Suspension! Working Brakes! Rubber
Wheels! Moving Windshield Wipers! Rotating Steering Wheel!
Blinking Turn Signals! Door handles! Retracting Seat Belts!
Dan Harvey (U-Haul Customer Service)
The man who hitched the trailer onto the U-Haul and the VW Jetta onto the
tow dolly, after 2 unsuccessful attempts.
Conversation:
"Do you do this a lot?"
"I ain't hooked one o' theez up since '97."
(silence)
"... but don't worry though. I wouldn't let nuthin' happen to ya'll.
I got a daughter your age!"
(silence - glances of uncertainty between Lone Starlet & Cry Baby)
The Mexican Family
The compassionate people who drove up along side of us in their blue Ford
Taurus assertively waving their arms, pointing to the back trailer, frantic
looks on their faces, interrupting a delightful duet of So Long Farewell.
"Look! They're waving at us! They're our friends! See how
nice people are in Texas?" - Lone Starlet
"They aren't waving!!!! Something's WRONG!!!!!!!" -
Cry Baby
"Holy ****!!!! Where the **** is the car!?!?!?!? Did the car fall
off????? The car fell off!!!!!! I don't see it!!!!!!!!" -
Lone Starlet & Cry Baby, simultaneously while a mighty surge of adrenaline
ran through their blood streams
The Tow Dolly
The reason for the Mexican Family's urgent gesturing. Apparently the
wheel cover had come detached and had been bouncing up and down on the pavement
for what could have been HOURS. As a result, the brake light was no longer
with us. Maybe back in Nacogdoches?
"*Sigh* The car is still there. Phwew!" - Cry
Baby upon exiting the U-Haul and seeing the car still attached
U-Haul 24 Hour Emergency Service
U-Haul's modus operandi for dealing with an emergency situation is to defer
the customer to hold status for 45 minutes. Perhaps U-Haul ought to
consider removing the word "Emergency" from this service.
"Are you sure you're not in Georgia?" - customer
service rep after reference to Atlanta, TEXAS was made
The Lufkin Lady Cop
Came to guard us as we were stranded on the side of S.R. 59 due to the
lack of "emergency" service from U-Haul.
"I drove right by you two a couple of times... I received a call for two
stranded young pretty girls in a U-Haul. I saw you two middle-aged,
big-boned girls and drove right on by! Twice!" - what
we imagined the cop saying
Surratt & Kennington Auto & Truck Repair Center, Inc.
Where we were lead to by two friendly gentlemen after they were dispatched
by U-Haul to come and rescue us. We stayed in the trailer and shot the
breeze with their wives and Destiny (the grannbaby). Within the hour they
fixed the tow dolly for us and we were off on S.R. 59 again.
Econolodge Receptionist in Memphis
Thoughtfully decided to loudly announce to us (and the disreputable biker
gentlemen in the lobby) that we would be staying in room number 512.
"If you get raped, we do offer a free nights stay, and 50% off your next
visit." - Lone Starlet's comment upon entering the elevator
Trucker Friends
Left Lane, Easy Money, Crazy Chicken, Renegade, Tool Man, Wolf Man, Chili Bean,
and Road Rage. Our friends that we met on our Citizen's Band radio.
"I'm 'onna hammer down n' drive up alongside this U-Haul again an' get a
good look at the driver. Passenger sure is lookin' GOOD. Comawn!" -
overheard on the CB radio and immediately BUSTED
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INTRO | CB LINGO | DAY 1 | DAY 2 | DAY 3